Category: Couples Therapy

Couples Therapy Individual Treatment Latest Insights Self-improvement Therapy By Victoria Tsaran 1 Comment

Tips on getting the most out of therapy

Find the Right Therapist for You

Find a therapist that is a good fit for you and your needs. To set yourself up for the best therapy possible, take time to understand what you need and want out of the process.

 

Depending on why you’re coming to therapy, some therapists are specialized to help with specific problems. Searching for certifications that therapists have may be a helpful way to start your search.

 

 

 

For instance, some therapists have special certifications in:

  • Couples and Marriage Counseling
  • Family Counseling
  • Grief Therapy
  • Trauma Therapy
  • Addiction and Alcohol Counseling
  • Divorce counseling
  • Sex Therapy

Once you find a therapist you may be interested in, set up a phone call to get more information on the therapy process since every office is different.

 

Unless there are any significant problems from your initial conversation, give yourself at least three sessions before deciding it’s going to work or not. This will give you time to understand what kind of therapy the therapist practices and if the therapist is a good fit for you and your overall needs.

 

Handle the Business side of therapy first

 

When sitting in the actual session, you don’t want things like out-of-pocket fees or other paperwork to take your attention away from the actual session.

 

Before beginning your first appointment, arrive a few minutes early to get all of the paperwork, fees, and insurance aspects of therapy out of the way. That way, you can place your full attention when you’re in session and all of the vital work that goes on during your time with your therapist.

 

View it as a Collaboration

 

Very rarely will a therapist run the whole session. Your journey to wellness is a team effort. While the therapist may help guide you, it is ultimately your responsibility to find your conclusions and move towards progress in your life.

 

Schedule Sessions at a Time that Works for You

 

Being valuable and working towards mental wellness can be exhausting. Because of this, schedule therapy appointments when you have enough time to be present with your therapist without having to rush away into a stressful environment right after a session.

Talk about Therapy in Therapy

 

Since therapy usually takes a collaborative approach, it might be beneficial to express your feelings about treatment to your therapist. Strong emotions typically surface throughout the therapeutic process and acknowledging them head-on with your therapist may provide a space for reflection and processing that will increase the benefits that therapy can have.

 

Do Work Outside of Session

 

Therapy is usually only 50-60 minutes of your week, a small drop in the bucket compared to the rest of your week. Implementing the tools learned in therapy within your daily life is one of the best ways to see personal growth over time.

 

If you’re unsure about how to start executing what you learn in therapy into your life, ask your therapist. They can help you develop plans, goals, and objectives to keep the therapeutic process going outside of the session.

 

Set Boundaries around Therapy

 

Therapy is a safe space that allows you to explore your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. However, it’s important to remind yourself that this space is your own, and it’s ok to have limits as to what you disclose to those around you about therapy.

 

Friends and family that care about you may ask you what you talked about, how it went, or why you’re in therapy in the first place. While it may be coming from a good place, it’s perfectly acceptable (and healthy) not to divulge what happens in therapy if you’re not comfortable.

 

Bring it All into Sessions

 

Bring all different parts of your personality into your session. Therapy is often a space that you talk about complicated feelings, emotions, and thoughts. Being able to express yourself fully without censoring yourself can help the session be more productive while helping you better understand who you are as a person.

 

Trust the Process

 

As cliche as this sounds, trusting thetherapy process is an integral part of having a positive therapeutic experience. Therapists benefit from going to school, reading countless books, studies, and articles surrounding therapy (which is a good thing!), but sometimes the process can be a little difficult to follow when you’re the client.

 

If you’re wondering about the process, the progress you’re making, or have questions about therapy in general, we encourage you to bring that up to your therapist. It’s ok to ask any questions you have during sessions, leading to a more effective therapeutic process.

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6 Tips for Solving Relationship Conflicts

Conflict within romantic relationships is inevitable. When you integrate your life with
another person, it is bound to lead to disputes at some point.

Arguments within romantic relationships range from small ones surrounding what movie to watch to larger ones over career choices or how to raise children. It’s important to
note that while arguments aren’t ideal, it doesn’t necessarily mean that there is trouble
in your relationship. When handled correctly, conflict can help to strengthen a
relationship. However, conflicts can escalate to where nothing is resolved and can lead
to the deterioration in relationships.

On the flip side, a couple that never has a conflict or talks about problems doesn’t have
an opportunity to communicate and resolve them. Finding a balance between high
levels of conflict and no conflict can help couples have a long and healthy relationship together.

That being said,

having specific tools and strategies at your disposal during a conflict

can help improve the odds of a successful resolution. Here are some tools that can help
solve relationship conflict:

Be direct

It can be easy for people to beat around the bush instead of plaining stating what is
upsetting or bothering them. When in conflict, people often choose a more subtle and
indirect way of expressing their displeasure.

For instance, partners may avoid discussing the conflict by switching topics or
minimizing their feelings by responding with “I’m fine” after their partner notices they are
irritated. This lack of directness leaves both partners without a clear guide as to what
the problem is, how the other person is feeling, or how to solve the problem.

Instead, work towards having direct communication with your partner. While it may be a
bit uncomfortable at first, directly stating what is bothering you is the first step in solving
relationship conflict.

Use “I”  Statements & quotes to talk about the way you feel without blaming your partner

Statements that directly blame or put your partner as the direct reason for your feeling
seldomly help produce a good healthy dialogue on solving the problem. This is because
people typically go on the defense when they feel blamed or attacked in a conversation.

Instead, a more constructive way to communicate your feelings is through the use of “I
statements.” These statements focus on how you feel instead of being directed at your
partner. For instance, an “I statement” would pair an emotion and a behavior description
that focuses on a specific behavior your partner is engaged in. An example of this could
be, “I feel sad when you are on your phone during dinner.” This helps you be direct
while focusing on your partner’s specific behavior and the emotion that it makes you
feel.

Stay away from using the words like “never” or “always” during an argument

Saying things like “You are always selfish” during an argument leads the other partner
to feel like you’re attacking their character. This leads to defensiveness, stonewalling,
and decreased chance of solving the conflict at hand.

Instead of using words that suggest that you’re partner “always”or “never” does
something that bothers you, try focusing on the particular situation at hand. Focusing on
the current situation allows you and your partner to work together to resolve the current
conflict without bringing up one’s character or other moments within the relationship.

Not Everything Needs to be a Conflict

Not every single situation needs to turn into a conflict. A relationship is about
compromise and understanding. While some things do need to be addressed,

especially if they make you feel uncomfortable, unsafe, or hurt, it may be best to let go
of minor issues such as forgetting to empty the dishwasher once in a while.

Listen to What your Partner is Saying

Sometimes we fall into the habit of listening to our partners to respond. But,
unfortunately, when we listen to respond instead of listening to comprehend, sometimes
we miss what our partner is trying to tell us.

Trying practicing active listening by reflecting the content of what your partner is telling
you back to them. This will help you better understand what your partner is telling you
and lead to more understanding of the conflict and better discussions surrounding it.

Know When it is Time to Take a Time-Out

Tensions can run high at times during a conflict. While it’s important to talk it out,
stepping away from the problem for a bit can also be beneficial. Taking a break can
allow you to process your own emotions around the conflict and calm any heightened
emotions that may have come about.

However, its essential to note that taking a time-out and removing yourself from the
situation is different. By taking a breather, you and your partner communicate how long
the time-out will be, where you are going (taking a walk around the block, going on a car
ride, etc.), and when you are going to continue the conversation. This communication
will help both partners feel respected and minimize any feelings of abandonment or
hurt.

For instance, communicating your need for a break could look like, "Can we take a 20-
minute break from this conversation? I want to calm down a bit and go for a walk around
the block. We can talk about this more when I get back." Clearly stating your need for a
break and being specific and direct will allow your partner to understand where you are
coming from and be on the same page.

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How to Start Therapy

As recently as ten years ago, mental health wasn’t something that many people talked about. In fact, seeing a therapist was rarely something anyone would advertise in their life. However, as mental health becomes more normalized, seeking therapy is something that is progressively becoming a standard practice for many. 

Is therapy right for me? 

It can be difficult to know when going to get professional help is right for you, especially if you have never been to therapy before. Therapy is a vulnerable and private experience and starting can be overwhelming. 

Because of this, it may take some time and consideration to decide if you are ready to see a therapist. However, according to the American Psychological Association, therapy should be considered if you:

  • Thinking about or coping with the issue for more than an hour a day 
  • The issue pushes you to avoid others 
  • Your quality of life has decreased as a result of the issues you are experiencing
  • The issues are negatively affecting aspects of your life such as school, work, or relationships 
  • You have created coping mechanisms or habits to deal with the issue that are causing problems or a decrease in quality of life

If any of these things describe you or you’re feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or generally unhappy, it might be a sign that your internal ‘check engine’ light is on and seeing a mental health professional such as a therapist could help. 

Benefits of Therapy 

For those of us that don’t have a lot of experience with therapy, it could be seen as something that is for ‘crazy people’. However, that isn’t the case. In fact, a lot of successful people use psychotherapy as a tool to help manage stress, navigate life transitions, and gain skills to be successful and happy in life. 

In fact, research shows multiple benefits that therapy can have for individual. For instance, therapy can help you to better understand yourself, how you think and how you feel in situations better, give you tools to deal with difficulties in your life, and help you gain new insight and perspective. In addition to this, therapy also gives you a non-judgemental space to process and talk through emotions and difficult events.

How to Start

Finding a therapist, scheduling an appointment, and going to your first appointment can be a bit daunting. Because of this, it is important to understand and acknowledge any stigmas that you may be holding that are keeping you from starting this process in the first place. 

If you are worried about privacy or disclosure, it should be noted that therapy is confidential. This means that no one in your life is even needs to know that you are seeking therapy. Additionally, mental health professionals are bound by law to protect your privacy so you can be confident that what happens in session stays in the session. 

Finding a Good Fit

There are a lot of things to consider before making an appointment with a therapist. We recommend taking a look at the clinicians available here, knowing what the cost is and if your insurance will cover any of it, and what type of therapy you are looking for. 

It may also be helpful to come up with a list of questions for the therapist. This can help you get a better sense of what to expect from therapy and to help you feel more comfortable with starting this process. 

Some common questions to ask are: what experience does the therapist have working with your particular situation, what does a typical session look like, and kind of therapy does the clinician practice.    

What Happens if the Therapist I see isn’t a good fit? 

If, after your first session, you feel like the therapist isn’t what you are looking for, it is completely ok to try another therapist out. It isn’t uncommon to try another therapist and is completely fine to break off that relationship. 

While it may be uncomfortable to ‘break up’ with your therapist, it is important to push past those feelings in order to find something that will be beneficial to you. Let the current therapist know that it doesn’t seem like a good fit and the therapist or practice can help you find a clinician that may be a better fit for you. 

Remember, mental health professionals’ main goal is to help you get better so we don’t take it personally if you think someone else will be a better fit for your specific needs. 

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